A year ago today Frontal Lobotomy had its first public viewing, in a preview for Edinburgh Fringe at the Canal Cafe theatre. At that stage the arrival of the 'band' was mimed, as I didn't yet have the props, the doctor character didn't exist, there were three poems in that showing that I no longer use, and two that hadn't yet been written have now appeared. Still, I had a show of sorts. This morning I re-read the review I received from The Scotsman in Edinburgh, that spoke of a 'relaxed and self-assured stage presence.' A year ago that first performance was anything but. The next two previews happened in July, where in the meantime I'd been travelling and teaching in Italy and had done very little towards the show. Still, it had changed quite significantly. Working without a director or any outside input was hard, and I very much relied on my gut, and comments from friends. Without the initial guidance and continued encouragement of Peta Lily, and the amazing support and friendship from Susanna Jeffery it may never have happened. I was mortified onstage in those first two performances, though I feel I had finally got somewhere by the final preview. Edinburgh Free Fringe is great for new shows, I got the chance to really develop Frontal Lobotomy in the moment, and many of the problems I encountered and immediate reactions I received, have ended up contributing to the overall feel of the show. And twelve performances into the tour from December, and numerous extract performances later, it's starting to make more sense to me. I'm much freer than I was at the start, and I've finally realised that it doesn't need to make complete sense, the audience will try to follow me anyway. I've been lucky to receive so much praise for it, but I don't think it's finished yet. I'm taking a break from the show this August to give myself some time to figure out what I want to do with it next.

I added another section. I agonised for a while about how I could work at least one haiku into the show - it seemed I'd referenced every type of poem except for haikus. I thought about finding a haiku on a piece of paper and reading it, or making it into a letter from Dr Freeman from Jeu Jeu, but decided that the audience had heard enough of my voice, and that I would ask an audience member to read it for me. Audience interaction is still something that unnerves me still, it's the part I can't control or plan for, and I have to remind myself that this was what my training at LISPA was really for. The ability to let go and trust myself. Having the Brain Haikus has allowed me to interact more fully, rather than just pretending to lobotomise myself and others! I've been posting the ones that get read out on my facebook profile, and it's become something I look forward to doing, both in the show and afterwards. Brain vocabulary is difficult to pronounce, my hand-writing is difficult to read, and the Haikus make absolutely no sense. But I've had so much fun writing and sharing them for the past three shows by the sea.

It occurred to me today from the conversations I've had with complete strangers and people I barely know who have come to see the show, that many of my audience have taken a complete gamble on me. In the audience I've had mental health practitioners, burlesque fans, neuroscientists, Trump protestors, non-native English speakers, Waits obsessives/virgins/non-believers...I'm very grateful.

Something I attempted for the first two previews, but then scrapped, has re-surfaced again. Tom Waits has an uncanny ability to capture a scene in his writing; I'm thinking of tracks like '9th and Hennepin', 'Circus', 'Potter's Field', 'Small Change.' I tried a similar kind of thing based on my home town, which I'd been coming to terms with living in again, after everything in London ended in October 2016 ('Last October everything turned on a dime...'), but could never quite find it.
I want to collaborate with the use of sound for this one, having done some further research into the effects of music on the brain, I'm not sure I will ever perform it live. It's about a mythical place not far from where I live.

Xx

Who is Jeu Jeu la Foille? She's untidy, sassy and fragile. She's jaded, playful and she lies about her past. She was once a glittering chanteuse, but now she's broken. She's sexy without being sexualised; A borderline slut? A narcissist? She stared too long at herself. She lives for rhythm, rhyme and reason. She's governed by the moon, the moon intimidates her, but she swims in it's romanticism. She feels fear, doubt and guilt, but never shame. She hasn't cried for a long time. She is reborn every springtime, April Fools Day is her birthday. She looks at life through the bottom of an ashtray. She's single malt whiskey, complex and layered. Maybe she stings or burns if you aren't used to her. She'll give you the worst hangover you've ever known. She's an acquired taste. Has she had a frontal lobotomy? Is she considering one? Is Tom Waits having a dream about her?

When I started writing Frontal Lobotomy, I was asked the question Who is Tom Waits to me? I wrote down all of the roles he's played in my life, and from that came the poem 'Late Night Conversation', which I perform while manipulating a trilby hat about halfway through the show, it's one of my favourite moments. Sometimes when I read that poem in rehearsals (which, up to now, I have always been alone for) I get a little bit tearful. I think about how it will sound when Tom Waits is no longer with us - will I have to change it? Will I even get the words out? Over last Christmas I experienced what I'm calling 'spiralling self-doubt' over the show, I couldn't believe how well it done so far, and was terrified that I wasn't good enough. A successful musician friend I explained this to the other night asked me why I had written 'Frontal Lobotomy', I could've thought of something profound, or worthy, or gone into a long monologue on my creative process, but instead I chose to be simple and honest; 'I just really love Tom Waits.' He laughed. I'm still more clown than poet.

I've started working with a director; my good friend Simon Nader (I checked that he wouldn't mind me using his name here). We went to university together, saw each other only a handful of times in the intermittent *coughs nearly 20 years, and then were reunited at the Edinburgh Fringe last year - where Frontal Lobotomy debuted. Simon saw the show a number of times at the Fringe (he received the first ever lipstick lobotomy, and has never forgiven me) and was a huge help and encouragement to me there and since. I think we probably have quite contrasting tastes when it comes to theatre, and our training pathways were considerably different - I know he'll help me as he already loves the show and sees it's potential. Having worked a little bit with Simon before my performance on April 8th in London, I can already see how much I've taken for granted in my vocal delivery. Both Simon and the friends who saw the show last week commented on how well I moved, the slow movement being really tantalising and full of tension, but allowing time for all of the words to be digested. The trouble is that many of the poems and stories are coming out flat or monotone, I'm not yet living the words fully, there is room for much more variation and play - the key word in Simon's feedback was play. The show is endearing, it's sweet, and very strange, but I know that I haven't fully connected with it yet.

As a burlesque performer Jeu Jeu la Foille was just my name, my brand I suppose. It's means Play the Fool' and it can mean 'Play the Madwoman.' I'd already had the name for a few months when another performer I met, who day-jobbed as a psychiatrist, said that 'Foille Jeu' was a term used to describe a split personality. And now people ask me 'Who is Jeu Jeu la Foille?' 'Where is she? Is it her bedroom?' 'Has she gone mad?' 'Is she having a dream?' There is a line I love from a Tom Waits song that I've forgotten the name of; 'All the places that I'm dreaming of, are they dreaming of me?'

So I'm slowly building up a character profile.....working out the given circumstances.....all that stuff you're supposed to do BEFORE you start doing the acting. My teacher self is having strong words with my creator self.

​Onto the writing stuff, which is what I really love! I started writing some HAIKUS! I have lots of other forms of poetry in the show; beat poems, narrative poems, a sonnet, a limerick, rhyming couplets, but no little haikus. Dr Walter Freeman wrote poems in his spare time, and often his patients wrote him thank you poems. - I have one in the show that I read out like a letter from Jeu Jeu la Foille, and I wanted to include another letter or note somewhere from Freeman to Jeu Jeu.

The only rule for haikus is that they are composed of three lines, with 5 / 7 / 5 syllables per line. There is often a juxtaposition of ideas and a seasonal reference. I've made a start on a haiku letter, I'm not happy with it yet, but I will persist.

Dear Jeu Jeu la Foille
Doctor Walter Freeman here
How are you feeling?

Maybe you feel strange
Maybe you feel null and void
It's necessary

This operation
Can I come visit you soon
Perhaps there's success

Top photo by Stephan Burn Photography
Bottom photo by me on Instagram @jeujeulafoille

Who is Jeu Jeu la Foille? She is the one who makes a mess, Vicky is the one who cleans it up. Jeu Jeu is a mixture of sassiness and fragility. She will tell you all of her secrets, but lie about her past. She is a broken down chanteuse, she's had a glittering career, and now she wants to reveal the darker side of show-business. She's jaded, she's reached the end of her tether, her youthful looks are fading, but she's comfortable with her body. She's sexy without being sexualised. She plays with danger. She loves word play, she lives for rhyme and rhythm. She's finally come to terms with the way she looks, having feared for most her life that she was ugly. There is an element of the narcissist in her, she stared too long at herself and lost the very thing that was unique and wonderful about her. She's governed by the moon, the moon intimidates her, but she swims in it's romanticism. She feels fear, doubt and guilt, but never shame. She is reborn every springtime, she was born on April 1st. Winter always feels to long for her, but she can never wait for summer to be over. She looks at life through the bottom of an ashtray. She like a single malt whiskey, complex and layered. Maybe she stings or burns if you aren't used to her. She's an acquired taste. Has she had a frontal lobotomy? Is she considering one? Is Tom Waits having a dream about her?

When I started writing Frontal Lobotomy, I was asked the question Who is Tom Waits to me? I wrote down all of the things he was to me, and from that came the poem 'Late Night Conversation' that I perform in the show. Sometimes when I read that poem in preparation for a show I get a little bit tearful. I think about how it will sound when Tom Waits is no longer with us - will I have to change it? Over last Christmas I experienced a lot of fear and self-doubt over the show, I couldn't believe how well it done so far, and was terrified that I wasn't good enough. A successful musician friend I explained this to the other night asked me why I had written the show, I could've thought of something profound, or worthy, or gone into a long monologue on my creative process, but instead I chose to be simple and honest 'I just really love Tom Waits.' It's safe to say that I've got my mojo back now, but Winter felt long this year. I've started working with a director, my good friend Simon Nader (I checked that he wouldn't mind me using his name here). We went to university together, saw each other only a handful of times in the intermittent 20 years, and then were reunited at the Edinburgh Fringe last year - where Frontal Lobotomy debuted. Simon saw the show a number of times at the Fringe, and was a huge help and encouragement to me there and since. I think we probably have quite contrasting tastes when it comes to theatre, and our training pathways were considerably different, and I know he'll really help me as he already loves the show and sees it's potential. Having worked a little bit with Simon before my performance on April 8th in London, I can already see how much I've taken for granted in my vocal delivery. Both Simon and the friends who saw the show on Saturday commented on how well I moved, the slow movement being really tantalising and full of tension, but allowing time for all of the words to be digested. The trouble is the many of the poems and stories are coming out flat or monotone, the feedback was that I'm not yet living the words fully, there is room for much more variation and play - the key word was play. The show is endearing, it's sweet, and very strange. Feedback on my performance is the cheeky confidence and strong presence I exude - this is definitely Jeu Jeu, not Vicky. 

The doctor writing a letter - recording in a dictaphone to Jeu Jeu 

Haiku's are composed of 3 lines, each a phrase. The first line typically has 5 syllables, second line has 7 and the 3rd and last line repeats another 5. Seasonal reference - two ideas brought together. Cutting word

Dear Jeu Jeu la Foille
Doctor Walter Freeman here
How are you feeling?

Maybe you feel strange
Maybe you feel null and void
It's necessary

This operation
Can I come visit you soon
Perhaps there's success 

'Prior to the advent of brain, there was no colour and no sound in the universe, nor was there any flavour or aroma and probably little sense and no feeling or emotion. Before brains the universe was also free of pain and anxiety.' Roger Sperry

Frontal Lobotomy completed its first London run last week at Vault Festival. Many things surprised me; how nervous I was on opening night, how many people I didn't know were in the audience, how readily people volunteer to have a lobotomy....

I've made contact with several neuro-scientists in recent months, and I'm still trying to formulate my questions for them. I've done some reading on 'The Shadow', this is the next stage of the IMPP journey at LISPA-Berlin that I began in March/April 2016. And I performed an extract of the show at 'Le Chien Noir: A cabaret fundraiser for Rethink Mental Illness.' 

The writing has had some editing, and there is a new poem...a very strange poem, quite different from the others. I'm still finding out what to do onstage while it's playing. Rehearsals are a lonely place for a solo performer, and I still wish I could look forward to performing. It's getting easier, and the feedback continues to be positive.

This week, on advice from my Teacher Self, I set a writing task - actioning the text. I wrote down, simply, objectively and without metaphor or explanation, all of the actions I take onstage. I wondered what people actually saw when they come to see the show. I'm still making sense of this thing I made. I feel like it's ready now, in terms of a piece, but I don't yet understand it.

Notes below - bear in mind (if anyone actually reads this) that this is the entire show written out in actions: serious spoiler alert!

​Prologue
A doctor greets the patients outside of the performing area. She warns the people that the procedure will last just under an hour, and may leave them feeling slightly altered.

In Shades
After a short pause the audience enter to blues music. A woman stands upstage centre, holding a mirror with her back to the audience. The skirt she is wearing, now changed from the white coat and glasses to a black corset, covers the entire stage. There are two shapes visible under the black shirt. The woman flirts with the audience through the mirror.

Small Change
The woman places the mirror upstage centre. She slowly pulls the skirt away from the stage right lump to reveal a chair with costumes and a hat placed on it. And a pair of red sparkly heels. She slowly pulls the stage left lump to reveal an upturned brown suitcase. She places a desk light and a small puppet on the suitcase.

Such a Scream
During a mythical poem, the small puppet smokes under the light - image of downtrodden man sitting under a lamppost. 

Interview
The music snaps into chat show music, straight after the light is switched out. The skirt comes up over the woman's head, and she puts on the red braces on her black trousers. She struggles to gather up all of the material of the black skirt, at the same time Tom Waits is being introduced on a voiceover. I'm not Tom Waits. She answers the interview questions as if they were being asked about her. She discovers a brain under the hat, she places the brain in front of her, sits on the chair, and puts on the hat.

A Very Emotional Weather Report
The woman mimes playing the piano and addresses the audience with a beat poem. She reassures them that they will arrive back home.

Instrumental Montage
The music changes suddenly and the woman mimes pushing away the piano. She finds a light in the little brain model, and finds that it lights up her own brain by travelling through her ears. She tries this with several members of the audience. She draws two pictures in the air with the lights and they disappear back into her hat. The music fades and she puts on her doctor costume.

Walter Freeman 1
In the first lecture demonstration the woman explains to the class what a frontal lobotomy is, and introduces Walter Freeman. The year is 1949.

Striptease Metaphors

The woman strips out of her clothing, while speaking about lowering the illusion.

My Trauma Has Been Drinking

The woman sways while drinking from a glass and giving a poem about trauma, using shipping language.

Lost in the Harbour

A recorded poem is heard, it is using words to describe PTSD. The woman puts on a red dress and high heels.

Baby I'm Not A Baby Anymore

Burlesque music plays and an ice-pick is seen appearing over the right shoulder of the woman. She dances with the ice pick, mimes stabbing, swirls the tip in whiskey and then licks it. She raises the icepick above her head, leans back and appears to poke it through her eye. The icepick lands and she recites a limerick about frontal lobotomies.

Tit Tape and a Tiara

The woman addresses the audience as a burlesque performer in a rhythmical poem. At the end she goes to switch off the lights, leaving the 'lamppost' as one single light onstage. 

How the Moon got her Light

The woman tells a fairytale about a pretty lamppost who saw her reflection at night, and couldn't bear the sight of herself by day, and so detached herself and became the moon. At the end of the story, the woman has changed back into the doctor, and switches the lights back on.

Walter Freeman 2

The doctor explains that frontal lobotomies are at the peak of their popularity in 1949, and further explains how prolific Walter Freeman was in his treatment. The woman asks for volunteers from the audience. 

Other Side

The music changes, she slowly removes the doctors coat and smears her face with lipstick. At the same time her dress rips and she loses a shoe. She staggers into the audience, putting lipstick on a man and staggering back to the chair with Tom's hat and a whiskey bottle.

Showbiz and Apocalypse

The woman swigs from the bottle and tells a poem about her fabulous demise.

Dear Dr Freeman

The woman finds a letter in Tom's Hat and reads it out loud. It is signed from Jeu Jeu la Foille. The hat pours glitter over her head, and she raises it slowly as if she's speaking to a person.

Late Night Conversation

The woman recites a poem imagining she was speaking to Tom Waits. She places the small brain under the hat at the end of the poem.

Spare Parts

The woman hastily changes into a leather jacket, and tears off the bottom of her dress to upbeat music. She puts on boots and downs the last of the whiskey. She lip-synchs to the voice of Tom Waits thanking the audience for being there and introducing her band, who are four puppets with toy instruments. The music stops and the band refuse to play. The woman is uncomfortable.

The One Who Got Away

The woman tells a frightening story-poem, about threat and escaping.

Fist Kiss

A mysterious poem is heard while the woman looks at the audience in the mirror again and then changes into the doctor.

Walter Freeman 3

The doctor explains the disastrous consequences of frontal lobotomies. And that Walter Freeman stills pursues the cure. 

Rainbirds

Mystical music is played. The woman changes from the doctor. She puts on a black hat and overalls over her dress. She wipes off the lipstick, takes tissues to the audience volunteers. She takes a swig from the bottle.

Soar Dirge

The woman recites a mass of words - onomatopoeia/the voice of Tom Waits.

Creation Myth

The woman tells a long story about how life was born from sound. She draws pictures in the air.

Not Innocent When I Dream

The woman sings a song about her dreams, with each verse she picks up one of the puppets, as they feature in each dream. She puts them down at the end of the song.

Good Old World/Feminine Ending

The woman recites a sonnet, as she manipulates the puppet from the opening scene. He stands up and looks at the stars. He lies down, she places a blanket over him, and switches out the light. Sweet music plays until the end.

The End xxx

With someone like Tom Waits, with his vast body of work, how do I distill all of that into my top five songs? It's a challenge I was given recently, and I've revised my original choices, in case there is anyone other than me who reads this...and is interested...? In no particular order...
​
* Coney Island Baby, Blood Money
* Burma Shave, Foreign Affairs
* Mr Siegal, The version from Virginia Avenue
* Ruby's Arms, Heartattack and Vine
* Telephone Call from Istanbul, The version from Big Time

We're already at 5, but I have to continue...

* Hoist that Rag, Real Gone
* Watch her Disappear, Alice/Circus, Real Gone

​Please note, this is work-in-progress!

Lists, lists, more Lists:

​REHEARSAL TASKS

Instrumental Montage sequence
Transition between Crow and Red Dress
Posture (shoulders and chin) and Walking in heels - control swaying
Transition into 'Other Side'
Object manipulation in Late night Conversation
Learn lines for 3rd Doctor
Transition from 3rd Doctor to Traveller
Singing
Rehearse Section for Le Chien Noir 18th January: 2nd Doctor, Other Side, Showbiz and Apocalypse and Late Night Conversation  

WRITING/RESEARCH TASKS

Crow - Develop Striptease Metaphors: Crow, Grief is the Thing with Feathers, Developing Cognition
Develop interview answers
Edit and add to opening speech - months
Write new poem - The One's that Got Away, mythologised beats

CRAFT/RECORDING TASKS

Make new fastening for Red Dress
Get One's that Got Away recorded. Edit between The One that Got Away and dressing as 3rd Doctor (Stand alone track)

Most of my day job involves watching people acting, making notes, and advising them on where they could improve. This week I gave myself the same treatment, by watching the video back from the 4th of December. Here are my notes...

49 mins long
Saxophone skipped at beginning
Chin - posture
Watch out for covering Bobby Cool's legs
Make sure braces are on properly
Find a better response to the mention of Keith Richards
Look at brain on the word bottle - It's kind of weird having a guy here with a BOTTLE in front of him.'
Adjust hat - piano still going and acted surprised - this worked, keep it.
Asking why - too much emphasis
Don't throw away weather report - keep momentum
Take the light out of the brain slower
Slow down the light drawings
Sort hair out
Have pen in the pocket already - set up for beginning, put it back in right place after opener
Nightmares go away, leave more pause after
Suprise lobotomy worked - person next to whomever is holding the brain - almost pounce on them
Check on the healing process later
Need better underwear - find some new quotations for the undressing part
Shipwreck
Trauma Drinking to Lost in Harbour - look at the transition.
Make new clasp for dress - quicker fastening
Shoulders back more for the ice-pick reveal
Have a sexier look, then smile
Watch out for chin on the shoulder stroke
Bottle
Shoulders back on Tit Tape and a Tiara
Find it in the dark, actually go searching for the lost pastie, until I find in the dark and switch the lights off. Look in Tom's hat.
Can we see the shadow during the lamppost story. Bring a brain light to the desk, and walk back with it to light the lamppost.
Good pacing
Look back at the lamppost during bringing up the lights at the desk
Too much stomping in the heels - practise walking
Too much fiddling with coat
Keep the flourish of the ice-pick, mirroring the lobotomy image from before.
Murder good - DBS
Check on the patient to deflect from the tension build from asking for volunteers
Too long a pause before other side - work on this transition
Disintegration
Stumbling with the skirt works
Start showbiz and apocalypse straight away
Slow hat on ascent
More sharp movement in beginning of late night conversation
Look at pacing
Lower hat on hurt
More prep for 2nd part of lip-synch
Too much swaying during improv
Works putting doctor
Gone tone for 3rd doctor
Consequences, learn lines better
Last bit of speech after CIA learn better
Need a better transition after 3rd doctor
Swig after 1st line of soar dirge
Physical prep before story/myth - draw shapes?
Extraordinary
Turn Pete's bow tie off, during story, some point after twinkling lights
Work on singing
Bobby Cool smokes 1st, can he throw the fag away? Looking up to the sky...
 
Lots to work on here...

I've also been moved to write new material, possibly not for the show, but something in definitely cooking! Here is one:

I'll blame the moon
Right out of the sky for you baby
It's the thorn in our sides
Please call me baby
I'll blame the moon
Stuck up there in the sky
Teetering there on the edge
Of a coloured wind sky
I'll blame the moon
For the severance in my heart
For I can barely walk
Since you have stolen mine heart
 
Xxx



 

After I performed the show last Sunday, a friend who was in the audience asked me if the text would be available, as it was compelling to hear, and would be interesting to read afterwards. He told me about chapbooks and so I made several copies of my own, it includes most of the text from the show, and a limited edition copy will be awarded to anyone who gives a £5 donation or more at my next performance. While stocks last!!

Despite having forgotten an important prop (again), the show went well. I will always ask friends for feedback and suggestions, and I'm grateful for any they are able to give. It was filmed....I can't bring myself to watch it yet, even though it's been nearly a week, but I know I need to in order to get any sort of concrete idea of how to move forward with this performance.

Here are some audience comments;
* There are more ways to perform each piece, you are already experimenting with different tones, but you could push this further.
* Several props are only used once, can more be reintroduced? Loved the black hole dress, can this be used again?
* You are much more relaxed than you were in the preview, you're much easier to watch now!
* The structure is great, it's really well-paced.
* Enjoyed the ship poem, like the fantastical language.
* Good use of voice.
* The letter is a nice addition, is helps to tie a story together.

I'm terrible at describing this show to friends; I normally start off by saying 'It's really weird.' And then 'It's basically an hour of me getting dressed and undressed and saying some things.'

I was thinking about the structure of the show this week, as a few people had mentioned it to me on Sunday, and I remember very early in my process that a loose structure had presented itself to me in the form of various costumes. I knew that I would need to get dressed and undressed several times in order to visually show the structure as I had seen it. I 'tried to represent the different characters that appear time and time again in Tom Waits' songs, and later on as the show developed into being more about the human psyche, it became about the different stages of recovery.
These were: Black Hole, Beatnik, Crow, Red Dress, Jet Trash, Gun Street Girl and Traveller. I've needed to find ways of representing each personified theme, and moving between them throughout the show. They also represent the stages of grief, not always in this order: Denial, Anger, Barginning, Depression and Acceptance. The doctor character was added much later in the process, and is the only character that appears more than once, as a motif - but I hope developing in content as the show continues.

It reminds me of how Camille O'Sullivan transforms herself throughout her stage shows, and the various costumes and characters she inhabits, tying in with the songs she's singing. I didn't realise this until this week, but I've been influenced by the structure of her shows from all those times I went to see her perform in London and Edinburgh, probably from 2009 to 2015. She used to enter the stage very mysteriously, wearing a long black cape, rip off most of her clothes at some point early on, and then later would put on very pale, almost clown-like makeup. By the end of the show she would be stumbling barefoot around the stage with her hair loose. The first time I saw her at the  Edinburgh Fringe in 2009 I was blown away. I probably would have passed the show by had my friend not pointed out to me in the program that she did cover versions of Tom Waits songs. There aren't many good videos of her on youtube, and I think she's really worth seeing live. I think I should go and watch myself on video now, this will be painful...

This November I have been pondering the big questions, such as; How many words actually rhyme with dime? With a week to go until the first show of the 'tour' I'm feeling the growing dread and excitement. These are the dates so far, with more to be added:

Sunday 4th December, 7.30pm. The Cavendish Arms, Stockwell (With Miss Glory Pearl)
Sunday 29th January, 7.30pm. The Albany, Great Portland Street (With Gimcrack)
Wednesday 1st – Sunday 5th February, 6.00pm. Vault Festival, Waterloo.
Friday 3rd March, 7.30pm. The Albany, Great Portland Street (With Eva von Schnippish)
Monday 13th March in association with Theatre in the Pound, The Cockpit Theatre, Marylebone.
Saturday 8th April, 7.30pm, The Beehive, Bromley-by-Bow.
Thursday 27th April, 7.30pm. The Cavendish Arms, Stockwell. (With Ellis and Rose)
 
To be Confirmed; Brighton Fringe 20th and 21st May

I've performed two different excerpts of the show this month, one at Barelesque on November 3rd, and another at Scratch That on November 15th. For both I tested new material. A video edited by Ana Morphic exists for the Barelesque show, but as weebly and vimeo aren't friends, I can't post it here - see my facebook profile/Jeu Jeu la Foille page. Watching that video back was the first time I had seen what the piece looked like from the outside, I wasn't horrified, but I've only managed to watch it once!
The audience for Scratch That wrote me some feedback, here are their comments - written word for word;

* Volume lacking even despite the space (pub noise) but great, liked the darkness
* Excellent structure - starting with the lab was a great idea. The only....us was we couldn't quite hear at the back! You've got an exciting future ahead of you!
* I couldn't quite connect the two halves of your performance. I loved the laboratory concept but who was Tom and what did he have to do with the first half, apart from being a disembodied brain.
* Intriguing, really cleverly put together.
* Loved the props! The hat of Tom was good.
* Wondered if perhaps when you're using Tom's hat you could honour that a little more. Cool when he turns to acknowledge you, but as soon as we see you stop seeing Tom wearing the hat the magic broken. The little brain thing didn't quite read from the back - maybe a bigger prop would be better?

As I've mentioned before, I'm working on this show without an outside eye, so every scrap of feedback is useful, and when I can bring myself to analyse the Barelesque video, I'm sure that's going to help. I'm really grateful to Barelesque and Scratch That for giving me a platform, the show needed an airing this month!

On October 11th I submitted an application to the Arts Council for a grant to take 'Frontal Lobotomy' on tour in 2017, and it was successful! The grant will pay for publicity, rehearsal space and travel costs from December to May. I'm shocked, relieved and delighted - it took me days to complete the form, and I began writing the application in September. So.....HOORAY!!!

Finally, I wrote a new poem. It was inspired by a letter that one of Dr Freeman's lobotomy patients wrote him after her operation, and it's replaced one of the clunkier moments in the show....

Dear Dr Freeman,

Your surgeon's hands are steady and sure
I know you've done this many times before
They cut so clean, the knife sweeps through
I can't worry now, thanks to you.
An artist's hands, a musician's as well
Yours saved my soul from eternal hell
A straight course now is all that matters to me
You'll wipe my mind and set my spirit free.

Yours breezily,

Jeu Jeu la Foille xx

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The past 7 weeks since I returned from the Fringe have been very strange; busy, but not busy. I've been preoccupied with booking gigs, keen on getting the show back in front of an audience again...but not really doing any actual work on the show. Today, I opened my prop and costume suitcase for the first time since I packed it all away in August, I made some costume repairs, and glued the brain prop back together. This sounds very dull, but it was quite a big step for me. I've been conducting further research into Walter Freeman (the man who popularised the transorbital lobotomy), and raking the show for problems and missed opportunities, and it's led me to a few conclusions;

* There are several moments between speech and music that could link more fluidly. Two come to mind in particular - the moment between 'The One that Got Away' and the third Walter Freeman section. and the moment between the ice-pick lobotomy and the 'Tit-Tape and a Tiara' poem.
* It's clear I need more explanation of the links I'm making between show-business and apocalyse, Tom Waits and Walter Freeman - the bit where I explain 'I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy' feels clunky, and the line after that feels hugely self-indulgent. It was meant to be a call-back to an earlier part where I've quoted JD Salinger's short story about PTSD, but I don't think the link is very clear.
*I've been watching this, I'd love to try something similar, but maybe in two chunks to try and cover the clunky links I'm not happy with....

* As I began writing the show last October, that's where the story begins in my opening poem 'In October everything turned on a dime'. As we are now in the following October, and I've got performance dates booked into May, I'm going to keep needing to add a line to that introduction with every month that passes. I can only hope there enough words left to rhyme with dime. - the first full show is in December, I'll need to write four more lines by then, and it could get very repetitive!
* The show very much adapted to its surroundings at the Fringe, and the shoddiness of the venue and the lack of a tech ended up working in its favour in my opinion. I'm wary of letting the show get too slick and polished, which sounds strange, but a new friend said to me after I'd finished my first Edinburgh show 'Try not to let it get too perfect.' So far I've worked without an outside eye, developing the show with the audience either in the moment, or through the comments of friends afterwards. Very soon I'm going to need an outside eye, and as I don't have access to free rehearsal space, this is going to be difficult.
* I've had a few ideas for developing the role of the band, as they only appear once, and then after a short gag with the puppets (this was developed on the spot with a very receptive audience early on in the run) they don't get involved again until right near the end. One idea could involve some audience participation and another music track, but I think I'll need to try it on a test audience first.
* A few people have suggested that projection would work well in the show. I didn't have those facilities in Edinburgh, but other venues might have a projector, and the original ensemble Tom Waits piece that I devised at LISPA (detailed on January 2016 blog posts) used film projection from a side project that I did alongside the actual devised piece. I've made a very simple powerpoint to illustrate the opening Walter Freeman section, that I will try when I perform an excerpt from the show at Barelesque in November.

I've been fascinated with the extra research I've been doing over this time, I've been reading 'The Lobotomist' by Jack El-hai, and 'Girls Who Wore Black' edited by Ronna C. Johnson and Nancy M.Grace. I went back to Berlin for a short visit two weeks ago, and saw a Hieronymous Bosch animated exhibition. I've been listening to a history of medicine podcast called 'Sawbones', and I'm still listening to Waits...

And now I need to open the script again.

 ‘Songs are just very interesting things to do be doing with the air.’ This was how Tom Waits modestly brushed away the clamour for his genius at his Rock and Roll Hall of Fame speech in 2011. He’s a prolific, original and authentic artist, and I’ve been immersed in the world of his music since I heard ‘Underground’ from Swordfishtrombones back in 1997. Treading a fine line between darkness and sentimentality, brutality and humour, showbiz and apocalypse – Waits has a metaphor for every emotion, a set of intriguing images of those on the margins of society, and a way of structuring words that summons the musicality in every sentence.
As a burlesque artist, clown and physical storyteller, I wanted to find a way to bring together my interests in psychoanalysis, mythology and feminism, and take up the challenge of creating an extended piece that harnessed the rhythms  and references present  in the writings of Waits; and so came ‘Frontal Lobotomy.’ This was the way Jeu Jeu la Foille was finally given the opportunity to speak, and who better to channel my writing through, than the man with the most commented upon voice ever.
The show is a collection of myths, poems and images, all gravitating around seduction and danger, trauma and healing, cabaret and science. There is plenty in there the Tom Waits fanatic, and similarly for those who have never even heard of him. He’s an acquired taste!

Some of my favourite videos.....

Induction in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Speech
‘They say that I have no hits, and that I’m difficult to work with, and they say that like it’s a bad thing.’
A round up of his many faces, performance style and charming, rambling persona.

9th and Hennepin
‘All the doughnuts round here have names that sound like prostitutes....and the rooms they smell like diesel, and you take on the dreams of the ones who’ve slept there....’
Waits has a really evocative way of describing places, and there are some beautifully disturbing images in this spoken word piece about a street he specifies as in Minnesota. The video has a startling reveal halfway through that I just love!

Chocolate Jesus
‘The Immaculate Confection.’
Waits performing on the David Letterman show, with such style. He performs like he’s channelling spirits here, and that confetti hat strut is delicious.

Tom Waits on Everything and Nothing
Some Waitsian ramblings from various interviews matched with great animation on this video. He is a wonderful storyteller, and I love the way describes his creative process. Waits is notoriously difficult to interview, and journalists can never get a straight answer out of him. But buried within the conjecture is magnificent insight and authenticity.

Innocent When You Dream
Singing and standing a bathtub with bubbles floating all around him. Need I explain any further?! Such a whimsical and fantastical image to frame one of his most well-known ballads.

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
Waits has had an illustrious film and theatre career, playing off-beat characters such as drunks, crooks, inventors, and this case The Devil. In every film, in every scene, he makes an unforgettable entrance.

Pasties and a G String
This is the Waits most people think of first, slurring and swaying his way through the music. What I enjoy about this clip is that this performance sounds so different to the recorded version on ‘Small Change’, he goes off on a guttural tangent, and tangos with his cigarette smoke to a saxophone solo.

Mr Seigal
A resoundingly cool performance with beautiful saxophone and double bass backing.

Hell Broke Luce
A more political song from Waits, accompanied by shadowy, disturbing imagery in this video.

Tom Traubert’s Blues
Beautiful lyrics and melody, a sentimental Tom hunched over a piano, singing about ‘wounds that will never heal’ – it’s still strangely uplifting, and remains the only one of his pre 1983 songs that he will play live.